he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
