Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
