If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
