I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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