Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this boner is exhausting
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
