I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
