actually, I'm a sock model
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize