ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
