I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
