what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
