I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
