i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
