No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
