What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
