Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
