We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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