there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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