I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize