Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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