I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
