so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
