i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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