Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
