I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
