I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
