I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
