who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just got carded by a ten year old.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize