false alarm. still invincible.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
