if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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