drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
