the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
