bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
