im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
