Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
