All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
