i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
