I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
