You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize