i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
