And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
