You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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