When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
