It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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