This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
