Having a random hookup so left but love u
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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