You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
