Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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