I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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