Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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