I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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