we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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