is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
