Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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