If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize