We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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