Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
