i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So much rum. So many feels.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
