I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
