sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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