We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
