Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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