dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
