I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
