no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
