Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
