im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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