I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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