did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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