bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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