My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
