I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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