So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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