I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
