She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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