I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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