There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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