Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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