I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
