I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
