just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
