Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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