the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
