Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
