how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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