Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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