Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i've created a new STD.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
