just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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