Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
