The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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