Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
