Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Randomize
