I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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