i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
