I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize