how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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