just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
