She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
