watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
