i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
