YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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