thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
